About two and a half weeks ago, I made a Sunday brunch reservation at Victor’s on Water. According to Open Table, we snagged the first available Sunday morning brunch time for two weeks. Naturally, when we arrived we were one of three tables occupied in the restaurant. That annoyance set the stage for the rest of the morning.
The Overall Experience
I’d heard and read absolutely fantastic things about Victor’s, so I may have gone in with elevated expectations, but, either way, I was disappointed. The food was merely a step above average, the wait staff we encountered were obnoxious, and it was all together too fancy for a place that’s not amazing.
The Venue and Service
As I noted before, the venue was nearly empty. This allowed us to see the starkly white tablecloths, the artsy and unique light fixtures, and the soft leather chairs more clearly. The place was so clean and intentionally upscale that I was afraid to drip toast crumbs on the floor. Don’t worry, I did anyway.
But, luckily, I wasn’t being watched as I did. That’s because our waitress didn’t do much watching of anything at all! She didn’t make many appearances, and, when she did, they were confusing. She didn’t greet us when we sat down, just jumped in with, ‘By the way, we have pomegranate mimosas.’ First of all, ‘by the way,’ implies that you’re saying something additional and therefore is not a clause if you’re saying something after saying nothing. And second of all, even if I were able to drink sugary alcoholic beverages right now (that’s a whole long story you probably don’t care about), I would not be at all inclined to purchase a pomegranate mimosa based on you simply sharing the fact that you have them. Tell me they’re great! Tell me they’re mouth-watering! Tell me they’re the BEST DAMN MIMOSAS IN THE MIDWEST! Sell it, sister! Also, she didn’t write down our order and re-asked us for it twice. While waiting on only one other table. (Eye roll.)
The Food and Coffee
The brunch menu is very minimal, but does offer some unique options. I opted for the Egg White Scramble ($10). This scramble was loaded with eggplant, peppers, mushrooms, and tomatoes. Guys, I kind of hated my breakfast. I really wanted to like it a lot, but I really didn’t like it a lot. The eggs were wet and slimy and their moisture invaded all of the vegetables, making them also become wet and slimy. Though it was topped with zesty basil, the vegetables didn’t complement each other very well, creating a new, curious flavor that didn’t feel natural. I also normally would have been annoyed at the little portion, but in this case I could hardly choke down the last bite. On the side I enjoyed two small slices of Ezekiel toast, which was actually entirely delicious without any topping. It tasted like real bread, people!*
My breakfast companion selected the Polenta Benedict ($14). The benedict included asparagus, king crab, poached eggs, and parmesan fondue. Even though this dish had a lot of diverse ingredients, the flavor wasn’t super complex – it lacked some necessary seasoning that she just couldn’t put her finger on. The polenta tasted like an egg bake of sorts and felt like an unnecessary substitution, maybe even a demotion from the traditional english muffin. The best part was the lovely and flavorful king crab. Delish. Overall, it was super filling and enjoyable, but it wasn’t her favorite.
*Did you notice I didn’t talk about coffee and coffee and coffee and coffee refills? Yeah, I know you did. And it’s because, for health reasons, I’m not drinking caffeine for six months. Please take a moment (or an hour) to mourn for me. Seriously, if you know me at all, go cry for me. Right now.
Coffee Quality: n/a
Food Quality: 7
Quality of Service: 6
Menu Variety: 7
Overall Satisfaction: 7
Parking: street parking
Average Score: 6.8